Stress, anxiety, and depression are caused when we are living to please others. – Paulo Coelho
People pleasing means that you act in a certain way trying to please the people around you. Instead of doing what you really desire – you rather focus on what other people desire. Instead of doing what would make you happy – you try to make everyone else happy with what you do. You completely lose yourself in order to satisfy everyone else. Most likely you think that your own life will be easier if everyone else is happy, or you think that this will also make you happy. In most cases the People Pleaser really lacks Self Love and Self Prioritizing.
Signs that you are a People Pleaser:
- you put the needs of other before your own needs
- avoiding conflicts
- feel guilty when you take care of yourself (first)
- stay in unsatisfying relationships/situations
- minimizing your own feelings & needs
- struggle with saying no
- take a lot of compromises (in order for people to feel good, people to like you)
- you are always busy – but not with yourself
- no time for self-care
- you apologize for everything
- have a hard time voicing your own opinion
- you feel responsible for things you have no influence on
- you worry a lot about what people think of you
- judging yourself a lot
Take your time to read through those signs, to it more than just once, think about it all by yourself – and most importantly: be 100% honest with yourself. Do some of those points relate with you? How many? Write them down and hang the list somewhere where you can see it every day. Now in every situation where you feel again like you are doing something to please someone else – read through the list. Are you fulfilling one or more of those signs again? It is important to become aware of this, recognize that you are doing it again. Awareness is the first step in the direction of change.
By becoming aware of how you act in those situations you will start to feel how bad this really is for you, you will most likely realize this fully for the first time. Don’t get angry for yourself – especially if you are not able to change it immediately. Give yourself time to evolve!
How to really stop being a People Pleaser:
- start loving yourself (Download my free Self-Love eBook)
- practice daily Self-Care
- make it a habit to prioritize yourself everyday – you can still focus on other people when there is time left at the end of your day
- really get into self development
- learn to say NO
- only apologize if you really did something wrong
- stop doing things for others if you don’t feel comfortable with them
- write down how much time you spend on others & how much time you spend on yourself – make sure that most of your time is spent on yourself!
- surround yourself with people who also focus on themselves, people who depend on themselves & don’t need others to make them happy
- cut out any negative people
Really quitting this People Pleasing habit will take a lot of inner work, it won’t happen from today until tomorrow. This is nothing that can be changed within some minutes. As I said – start by becoming aware. Really find out how you act, how much time you spend on others. Realize how uncomfortable this really makes you feel. Start by loving yourself and taking care of yourself – this will help you realize how much more important it is to focus on yourself & because of this it will be a lot easier to change! Take one small step at a time & also give yourself this time. You will be able to shed yourself from this habit if you just keep going & and it will be so freeing!
Blogposts that could also help you with this:
- how to set priorities & simplify your life
- overcome Self-Doubt
- never stop learning
- why Self-Care is so important
- how we kill our dreams
- the power of affirmations
- why you should meditate
- stop trying so hard to fit in
- gratitude – so powerful
- how to deal with negative people
- trust the flow of life
- control your emotions
- work on yourself – constantly & actively
- really feel your feelings
- negative thinking & the self-fulfilling prophecy
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