“Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.”
Humans seem to have this habit of comparing themselves to other people, people on social media, people in their family, to friends and neighbors, basically to every person who crosses their way. We could say “Well that’s good, it helps you to grow and develop yourself.”, but it’s not really that we are doing it for self development, we are doing it to bring ourselves down.. and we don’t even realize that. We observe others: how they look, what they do, what they are capable of – than we look at ourselves, thinking that we don’t look good enough, we don’t do good enough, we are not capable of enough.
There are some problems embedded in this process of comparing ourselves:
Most of the time we don’t really know the people to whom we compare ourselves. We just see what they represent towards us.. but who knows how they feel deep inside, how they struggle, what they really think and do? In the end, everyone is wearing this self made mask of who they pretend to be.
Your life should be about yourself, not about what others think or do. There are certain things for which it is good to compare, but in a healthy way. Maybe your friend is always having good grades so you compare her learning techniques to the ones you use and maybe adopt them to improve your learning and by this your grades. But what about how “beautiful” others are, how good their body looks? Do you really want to base your self-esteem on how others look/act, on how others think about you? It will be much more rewarding if you decide to do what feels right for just you. If you want to work on your body/health, do it because you want to, create the body you want to live in. Focus on what you think about yourself.
Fulfillment = being who you are & becoming who you want to be. Let’s imagine you have this dream in your mind of who you want to be & what you want to do in your life. But you never go for it because you are afraid of what others might think, you are intimidated because the people around you don’t do stuff like this. So you restrain. You never go for your goals, you become another person who buried her goals because of someone else. Do you think you will be satisfied, fulfilled and happy at the end of your life?
There will always be someone better. If you make up your self image upon what others are like you will, in the end, realize that there is still someone better. You will always be running after unrealistic ideals you want to reach – not even for yourself, just to be what society calls “perfect or normal”. But what if you would go your own way, what if you found out what you really want and then go for it. Would there be someone better? No. Because no one will ever be you, and if you are going your way, you will be the only one going it. Own who you are.
Be confident and true in who you really are & you will stop caring about what others say, about what others are. This one goes hand in hand with the previous point. There is no reason to compare yourself in a negative way to others if you are going your own way. Maybe you will compare some things, but just to learn from them, in a healthy and positive way. Which is always a good thing. But you will stop running after those ideals.
If you keep making up your self-esteem and self-image from comparing yourself to other people you will end up suppressing who you really are. You will never become the person you really are because you buried this person deep down under all those fake ideals and masks. You are making up a person that will fit society, a person that will be liked be everyone. So start worrying about yourself, not about who others are.
3 Steps to regaining control & distancing yourself from comparison:
1. Take a Break
We are, as a society, so caught up in comparison that even started to compare ourselves to people we don’t even know one bit. Social Media. We follow people who we don’t know, and start looking at the life they represent on social media. First of all: realize that those people are just showing what they want to show, they are showing you the best photoshopped life they could possible can. This is no ideal you should strive for. Taking a break from social media can reset your natural self-esteem, reconnect you with yourself and show you how damaging social media itself is. Give yourself a rest!
2. Find out what you really want out of life
Who do you want to be? What kind of life do you want to life? Hobbies? Job? What kind of people do you want to have around? What are your big and small goals? Make a list of all those things, create a Vision of the life you really desire!
3. Make a Plan
Now put those things into a big Action Plan. Plan every detail, find out steps you are going to take. FOCUS. ON. THIS.
Once you’ve done all those you will naturally stop comparing because all your focus and energy is finally going into yourself, into building yourself and your life. There is neither time nor energy left for looking around what random people are doing.
Still: it can be helpful to look around what other people with similar goals are doing. Gain inspiration, but don’t completely emerge into becoming the exact same person. Just take what might be helpful for your own journey.
Don’t forget to subscribe to my weekly Newsletter if you want to get the extra dose of Inspiration, Information & Motivation!
You may also like: